update on my dad and current schemes

My dad's results came back and he didn't respond to the interleukin-2 treatment that he had this summer. The good news is that he feels better physically and mentally than he has since a couple of months before he was diagnosed. It's really strange but he has been totally pain free for a few weeks now--doesn't take any pain meds at all--and is actually enjoying himself. He played in a golf tournament last week and today he is going to the coast with my mom for a couple of days. I don't understand how he can have tumors inside of feel so good, but I am just really glad that he does.

I am starting to think about when I will go home next. I think I am going to finish up my contract with the hospital and head home for a few days after that, maybe mid-October. My parents asked me to come home for Thanksgiving and Christmas both this year. Done. So lots of visits to Oregon coming up in the near future. I am really looking forward to them! It was really great to feel so close to my extended family and a couple of friends this summer, I miss them a lot and can't wait to see them again.

The other good news that I have is that I have an interview with Nursefinders on Monday for a home health position. I have really mixed feelings about switching jobs right now but was feeling ready for a change when I applied. I would rather not work in a hospital. I would rather have more respect than I receive working in the hospital setting. I would rather make my own schedule and not have to get up when it's dark in the winter. I would like to have more independence. I would like to rush less. And I secretly scheme about working in one zipcode and riding my bike from home visit to home visit. I don't know if that last part is possible, but dreaming and scheming isn't always about staying within the lines. If I did that then half the cool stuff that I have had the opportunity to do, would never have happened. Like that winter when I was laid off from a corporate job and became a mosaic artist in my basement then flew out to Lenox, Mass to do a yoga teacher training at Kripalu.

I really believe that I will feel more like "myself" in a calmer work environment. And I believe I will be able to create my own work environment as a home health nurse. I am nervous because working in the hospital is so secure--there is so much need there and I can't help but take into account the current economy. But I feel so burned out--so much less kind than when I started, so much less patient, less joyful, less hopeful. I think the kindness, patience and joy are still within my reach though--I don't think they are gone forever. And I want to at least try to find a job that fits me well, where I can be HAPPY. Yes, I still believe in happy. Don't I owe myself that? Did I spend 25K on a degree and a few years of my life to be in a profession that is so stressful it takes me breath away? NO. Actually I did not. I chose this because I thought it would be a good fit for the way I want to contribute to the world. When I graduated I was told that before I could apply for home health I needed at least two years of med-surg. So here we are, 2.75 years later, a good time to use my hospital knowledge while my spirit is still somewhat intact. I know this sounds dramatic but inpatient nursing can be a spirit crushing job--this blog is dedicated to gratitude and my attempt to be positive during a pretty rough time, so I will leave it at that and get back to my excitement about home health.

So yeah, picture this--I sleep in til 7:30, (ooo ahhh!) I eat some breakfast, maybe walk Roofrauff or go to the gym, and go to my first visit at 10 or 10:30. Swing by the house for a healthy homemade lunch around 1 or 2, do visits til 4pm then come home to work on paperwork before rush hour starts, or maybe swing by a coffee shop to do my paperwork there. My scheme is to work in my own zip code. I would like to do this 4 days a week or so, maybe sometimes 5. Home health pays by the visit so if my visits are close together geographically there is a good chance that I could do several in a day without having to rush. The sorts of visits I am hoping to do are med-checks, (filling people's pill boxes for the week, checking to make sure their meds are working, communicating with the docs/pharmacies to make changes) wound care, and maybe home IV infusion, and maybe other neat things yet unrevealed.

I would like to do fun things on work days too--go to yoga after work, cook something neat, do crafts, walk RR at sunset, go to my NVC practice group once in a while, have adventures... I want a job that doesn't exhaust me, that when I finish up for the day I still feel like there is some of me left that wants to play.

Okay, so those are the thoughts running through my head about what I most want right now. At least until my anatomical hearts with wings, bird feet and nests get discovered for the brilliant works that they are! Hee hee!