Five things I am grateful for today

1. I enjoyed pilates! Yes, it was challenging but also fun. I am excited to go back.

2. Clover and I snuggled and read on the couch this morning. Well, technically I think I was the only one who was reading.

3. Mead and I hung out most of the day. We walked around downtown and she showed me things that she loves. It was really fun. Here is our lunch: two grilled sandwiches (one was brie, apple slices, fig jam and walnuts and the other was goat cheese, portobello mushrooms, herbs and greens. We also had salad,(we split the one on Mead's plate) baked sesame kale chips and Mead had coffee. It was all delicious.

4. I found this for Eric, my sweet germophobe. It's a coaster that I found at PopCycle on 4th Avenue.

5. Remember how I spent the better part of the Saturday before last meditating and realized it is much easier to quiet my mind in a chair than sitting on the floor? I've been watching Craigslist for the perfect chair ever since and I found it today! I specifically wanted the Solsta Olarp from Ikea or one of it's relatives. This one was in storage and got a water stain on the cushion thus my brown, very soft pillowcase. I'm not sure if I'll keep this pillowcase on it or switch to a lavender or some other colored one, we'll see. This chair is perfect because it is just my size and sitting up straight feels natural in it.

Today was a wonderful day.

Five or six things I am grateful for today

1. It's Friday! Specifically it's Friday night, 7:45 pm and I just got out of the shower and put on my pajammies. YES!

2. I love my job. LOVE it.

3. Eric and I had sushi at AJ's today. We didn't know they had a happy hour (2:30-4:30) every day. We happened upon the sushi bar at 4:27, lucky dogs we are! Their sushi is pretty cheap and SOOO good! I used to think their spicy tuna roll was the best in Tucson. I still might think that...it's among the best at the very least.

4. Then I went on a little shopping spree at AJ's: 3 kinds of salad dressing, 2 spanakopita, some butternut squash, roasted corn salad, and hibiscus coconut tea with rose hips and apple bits. Eric bought a special beer and two little bottles of his favorite sake.

5. Last night I made burritos for dinner and Eric said "this is the best burrito I've ever had." Oh, that is something I love to hear!

6. We just got home from a nice evening walk with Clover. It's exactly perfect outside, 74 degrees.

Weekend plans: relax. take the 7am pilates class tomorrow, and then the 2pm stretch class, maybe go for a walk/run after pilates if it's not too hot. drink a lot of ice tea. read. water the garden. wash Clover. hopefully see Mead. Sunday go to the gym. peace out. mmm hmm.

Five things I am grateful for today

1. My friend Wendy came to town on Friday and stayed all weekend. It was SOOO wonderful having her here! We walked/hiked, ate great food, talked for hours and just generally had a super time. She and Clover were instant friends, aren't they adorable?

2. Wendy and I have been friends since 1998. She's been around for everything important in my adult life. When my dad was getting treatment in the hospital she brought me Thai takeout and another day she brought me a mug and a bunch of different kinds of tea because we were basically living there and this way I wouldn't have to drink crappy hospital tea out of paper cups. Several days she came and sat in the waiting room for hours "in case I needed a walk, or to talk, or anything." I wish a friend like her for everyone, she is one of my greatest blessings. She is also hilariously funny.

3. After Wendy left today (boohoo) I went over to Mead's house and we talked for a long time, caught up on our weeks and ate some snacks. Seeing her is always one of the best parts of my week. I am just overwhelmed by how lucky I am to have such good friends.

4. Herb chicken, roasted green beans and whole grain couscous with wild mushrooms

5. A healthy body

Five things I am grateful for today

1. A good run and morning sit
2. The garden is growing
3. A patient boss
4. Today was really challenging at work. When I got home and wanted to curl up under a rock I noticed that someone had dinner cooking in the oven and had also cleaned the bathroom. Dinner was SO scrumptious!
5. That same someone gave me a good listening to, lots of loving support and there-there petting. Somehow after not very long, it was mostly all better. I like you, Someone.

Five (plus one) things I am grateful for today

1. A great early morning run in perfect weather with my little friend, Clover. Perfect weather for running is high 50's to low 60's, in case you were wondering.
2. Nice morning at work
3. Lunch on the front porch with E-Frey and Clover, also our neighbor Kathleen and her grandson, Dominic stopped by to chat for a few minutes
4. E-Frey and I went swimming this afternoon and pretended to be on vacation. It was 90 degrees--a perfect afternoon to go to the pool.
5. The next book I am reading is a novel. Mmm I can't wait!
6. Wendy is visiting very soon!

Five things I am grateful for today

1. It turns out I enjoy running, it's relaxing, meditative and challenging. This is so unexpected.
2. Last night E took me out to Sweet Tomatoes. I love Lemon Month. Mmm, that salad with the lemony dressing, the toasted pecans, the blue cheese and spring greens. I love that! It was a nice date, indeed, good to be together.
3. Today I am seeing my friend Cynthia between patient visits and office time. We might eat veggie burgers and we'll definitely laugh. I can't wait!
4. Yesterday Meadz and I went out to lunch. We talked about self esteem, self compassion, confidence, narcissism, mediocrity and some other stuff. I am so grateful to have friends who make me think. Thanks for lunch, Mead!
5. Clover came with me all day yesterday. I think it might have been the last day for her to tag along until fall. It's getting hot now. As always she was a joy to have along.

Five things I am grateful for today

1. Today was very restful.
2. Lots of snuggling with Tiny Clover
3. This morning's green smoothie was pretty divine: (Recipe is for two, 14-16 oz smoothies) 1 banana, 1 cup of peach kefir, 1 cup or so of pineapple, 1/4 cup of guava juice, 1 huge handful of spinach, 1 tablespoon of chia seeds. It kept me full until 10:30. (I drank it at 6:30.)
4. E's mom came over for dinner tonight. I made ham, potato casserole, roasted broccoli, roasted green beans and rolls.
5. Tomorrow I get to have lunch with Mead. No weekly Sunday date for us today, so tomorrow we make up for it.

Mindfulness, Compassion and Self-Compassion

Yesterday was the daylong meditation retreat with Sharon Salzberg. I was feeling a little bit nervous about it along with all of my excitement because the retreats I have done in the past have been really difficult. Long periods of meditation can be a lot of time to sit still with a busy mind. I'm happy to say that yesterday's retreat was really relaxing and enjoyable for me. I loved listening to her speak, she is so funny, so humble, and so kind. Her stories and instructions were helpful and there is a lot I took away. I also enjoyed the sitting and walking meditation immensely! My mind slowed down and I felt peaceful.

Another unexpected treat was meeting a bunch of folks who also meditate and live here in Tucson. I've been passively looking for a community to sit with once or twice a week ever since I left Portland in 2005. Well, for awhile it was an active search and then I gave up after not finding what I was looking for. Before the retreat even started a woman in front of me turned around, introduced herself and invited me to come sit with TCMC (Tucson Community Meditation Center) sometime. She introduced me to her friends who were all around my age (90% of people who attend these events are at least 50) and they were equally welcoming. "This is our new friend, Alexandra." At lunch time we all sat together, chatted and shared food. They made lots of silly jokes and didn't seem to take themselves too seriously. I am hopeful that this will be a place I can regularly go to meditate and find a community I am comfortable with again. Either way it was really refreshing to be treated with such open hearted friendliness. Also it was nice because there wasn't anything creepy or cultish about it... they just seemed like friendly, open people.

I feel my meditation practice has renewed energy in a really sweet, comfortable way. I am so happy I went to the retreat. One thing I would like to incorporate into my life is a yearly week long meditation retreat. I've been trying to scare up the courage to start for the past several years, maybe 2012 is the year to begin?

We did a lovingkindness meditation while walking that I really liked. Instead of walking slowly and paying close attention to each step we walked at a normal pace and repeated two phrases, "May I be happy. May I be peaceful" We did this for thirty minutes and when we encountered another person or a bird or a bug we were to think, "May you be happy. May you be peaceful. May we be happy. May we be peaceful." It was EASY for my to stay focused on these two phrases and my mind was quiet for the whole thirty minutes. At the end of the half hour I felt really relaxed, happy and peaceful.

A few insights from the retreat:
1. When you realize your mind has wandered, start over more graciously. (This is something I need to be reminded of EVERY day. The hardest part of meditation for me is gently bringing my mind back when it has wandered.)
2. Apart from daily sitting practice the most important mindfulness practice is "short moments, many times." Reconnecting throughout the day with the warmth of the tea cup, the feeling of the wind against my skin, the smell of orange blossoms, the tiny joys, the tiny hurts, all as opportunities to take a moment to really be present. Do this as often as possible.

She told a great story about her meditation teacher during a long (3 month, I think?) retreat asking them to recount their last sitting and walking meditation from the last 24 hours. So the retreat participants would take notes after their sitting and walking meditations. During their daily interviews he then asked, "what do you remember from your last cup of tea?" Um, nothing? Then she would remember to pay close attention to the next cup of tea so she could give a better answer the next day. The next day he asked, "what do you remember from putting on your shoes?" Um nothing. So the next day she would pay close attention to putting on her shoes, and also her cup of tea just in case he went back to that. And then he asked, "what do you remember from washing your face?" Um nothing. And so on thus helping her to practice mindfulness outside of her sitting and walking practices. I liked this story.

3. Do we define ourselves by what is outside of our control? (for example what thoughts come into our minds or what life hands to us) Equanimity is the wise realization that we are rarely in control of our outcomes or what thoughts come into our minds. When conditions come together for something to arise, it will arise. We don't choose our thoughts. Thus it makes sense to not grasp them to firmly or push them away too hard.

4. Meditation practice is an opportunity to cultivate a space to be kind. Like cultivating a garden we don't yank things around and demand--we gently provide an environment for growth to occur then step back and let it happen. This image is particularly helpful as our tiny seedlings need daily nurturing and care. What would it be like to treat my own mind as well as I treat the tiny, baby pea plants?

I am happy that I spent my Saturday in this way. I am very grateful to Sharon Salzberg for spending a few days in Tucson, and to all of the people who helped make that happen. Wishing you a wonderful Sunday. May you be happy, may you be peaceful.

Five things I am grateful for today

1. Going to see Sharon Salzberg last night was great. I am excited to see her again today and all day tomorrow.
2. Eric is sitting near me looking at a barbecue cookbook...only good things can come from that!
3. It's supposed to rain tomorrow.
4. Some of my new books came in the mail today including The Craft of Compassion at the Bedside of the Ill by Michal Ortiz Hill, RN.
5. Eric's nurturing heart

Five (plus one)things I am grateful for today

1. This morning was wonderful. Clover and I woke up, meditated and then went for a run, 30 minutes straight AGAIN!
2. Running is starting to feel really good. Meditating remains REALLY challenging. It is so hard for me to slow down and focus. I wonder if there will come a point where it will feel more natural?
3. I'm making these roasted green beans for dinner along with chicken apple sausages, salad and whole grain couscous with mushrooms.
4. Tonight I am going to see Sharon Salzberg speak at the U of A!
5. Three day weekend!
6. My mom

A small stack of things I am grateful for today

1. Yesterday my car started making its "something is wrong" ding. OH NO! Turns out my driver's side blinker was out and here is its replacement. Isn't it adorable! Tiny blinker light! I named it Blinky.

Now it's installed and blinking like a charm, all for less than four bucks. How often does the "something is wrong" ding turn out to be a $3.68 repair? Oh happy day!

2. This morning I made time to meditate and go for an hour long walk before work at nine. I do think those things made a difference in the quality of my day so far.

3. For breakfast I had a scrambled egg, roasted green chile, tomato, Tillamook cheddar quesadilla with guacamole. I love how using scrambled eggs cuts down on how much cheese I need. It seems I use maybe 1/3 to 1/2 as much. Though I've never really been one for cheesy quesadillas... is that confusing?

4. So far I have loved my job every day. Very, very grateful for this.

5. Easter was such a wonderful day! I went with Mead up to Phoenix to be with her family. They are so welcoming and fun to be around. The food was amazing and we spent most of the day outside, chatting with her extended family and watching the kids search for eggs and do a treasure hunt that her really creative dad had made. I love Mead's family. It's easy to see how she turned out to be such a peach.

6. Eric Frey made me a little Easter basket with my favorite candy. Mmm, robin's eggs! Mmm reeses pieces! Mmm jellybeans! Mmm!

7. On my way to the Jeep dealer I stopped at the Grant Stone Supermarket to see if they had Japanese eggplant and they did! Now there are four of them in the kitchen waiting to be cooked. One of my favorite recipes comes from my host mother in the Dominican Republic. Eggplant is berenjena in Spanish, in case you wanted a word of the day. More likely you might want the recipe: peel a few Japanese eggplants and chop them up. If you chop them 1/2 inch size or smaller they will cook much more quickly. Saute an onion and some garlic in a pan with olive oil. When the onions are translucent add the eggplant and stir it up, little darlin'. Let it cook for a few minutes and then add a 1/4 cup strong chicken broth (one cube chicken bouillon to 1/4 cup water). Then let it all cook for awhile until the eggplant has turned into a kind of chunky somewhat uniform moosh. There are no recognizable pieces of eggplant, just moosh. I'll try to remember to take a picture when I make it and post it here. Anyway, once you have your moosh add some chopped tomatoes and either parmesan cheese or something similar, or you can use cotija. Another option is to add some thinly sliced red pepper about half way through the cooking process. Now you know the destiny of my Japanese eggplant. We'll be eating them with rice, beans, chicken and salad. I'm not sure when... sometime later this week.

8. Reading. I finished The Mindful Path to Self Compassion by Christopher Germer. I loved it so much that as soon as I finished it I wanted to start it again. I didn't though because I also wanted to start a book that the he (the author) had recommended. I am on a big reading kick right now and have several library books in my queue as well as an order from Amazon on the way. What's in the queue? Well right now I am reading Self Compassion by Kristin Neff. There's a book on urban homesteading, a book on Buddhist psychology by Jack Kornfield and several books on death, dying and how best to provide compassionate care to hospice patients and their families. Also I checked out a novel by Byrd Baylor as I like her children's books and thought a novel by her would be worth the read. (Thanks Mead for introducing me to Byrd Baylor's work!)

On Easter, Mead's brother Wright asked about what kind of art I've been doing and I answered that I have mostly been reading and cooking during my free time. Those two hobbies make me feel relaxed and really happy. Making art also makes me feel relaxed and happy, but as a girl only has so much free time--for now I am taking to book pages like a termite to wood. Crunch, crunch.

9. I am really looking forward to going for a long walk with Eric and Clover in a few hours, once it cools off a little.

10. Speaking of cooling off, we are supposed to have a few days in the 70's coming up.

11. Tomorrow night all of my hospice girl friends are going out. I am so excited!

12. Thursday, Friday and Saturday I am going to be listening to Sharon Salzberg on compassion and mindfulness. Thursday and Friday are hour long talks in the evening and Saturday is an all day meditation retreat.

Okay, time for a little bit of reading while Clover naps on my lap. Life is good around here. I hope it is for you too.

Five (x2) things I am grateful for today

1. Clover came with me to work today, apparently she is welcome anytime. Amazing!
2. Eric is washing the dinner dishes.
3. Our squashes sprouted their first leaves today, and so did the cucumbers!
4. Beautiful Tucson springtime
5. Dinner: herb chicken, roasted fingerling potatoes, roasted broccoli and salad with homemade croutons
6. My infusion patient indirectly told me he appreciates me today. He also asked if I keep a cat in my car because Clover was standing up on the seat trying to watch me through the window, haha.
7. I love my hospice job. I'm going to start studying to take the hospice and palliative care certification exam. Yay, more letters after my name. A nurse has to work in hospice for two years before s/he can take the test, so I'll have to wait for December/January to take it. My boss said I'll be plenty ready by then.
8. Another good run in the riverbed
9. I have tomorrow off!
10. The smell of Yes to Tomatoes shampoo

Five things I am grateful for today

1. I am case managing three patients, three elderly gentlemen. All three of them are wonderful. Today while I was taking one patient's blood pressure, I was standing close to him like I always do when I take blood pressures. This patient has late stage dementia and is non-verbal, but he is very expressive with a huge smile. As I was taking his blood pressure he leaned forward and rubbed his forehead against mine, then leaned back and smiled his big smile.

2. My boss told me today that she is happy with my work and thinks I am ready to begin to assume responsibility for our patients. I am grateful that she is putting her faith in me.

3. An awesome workout this morning before work that put me in a good mood all day

4. Clover spent the afternoon riding around with me and then in the office. It makes me happy to have her with me.

5. Love

I hope you enjoy your night, <3

Five things I am grateful for today

1. Today I ran for thirty minutes, thirty whole minutes! IN SAND! I am so thankful for this strong, healthy body and for a pretty place to run on soft earth. I've been somewhat secretly doing the Couch to 5K for the past seven weeks and while they repeat over and over that you aren't supposed to skip ahead I have anyway, just a little bit. I find that when I run on pavement I think to myself, "this doesn't feel good", it feels hard on my joints, but whenever I do the runs in the Rillito Wash my body feels SO GOOD. Also I run very slowly, I don't measure the distance, only the time. I think this is why I have been successful this time around with running compared to my fits and spurts of running in the past. I would always try to run faster than I could comfortably and it wasn't fun or happy. This time around I just run slowly for the designated time and that has made all the difference. So here's to thirty minutes, yay!

2. Tiny Clover is a great running partner, I do love her so. Currently she is assisting me with this post:

3. A full fridge of healthy foods just waiting for us to cook them this week! Every Easter (and during the winter holidays) Trader Joe's gets spiral hams with no nitrates. E and I think they are AMAZING. So I bought us a big one today. Oh yum! We are so going to enjoy that! We also have asparagus, broccoli, spinach, lettuce, cucumbers, pears, apples, bananas, kefir, yogurt, chicken apple sausages, and more. This will be a delicious week.

4. I was productive this morning, running and grocery shopping, and this afternoon I took a shower and decided to spend the rest of the day in some very soft, light weight jammies. My plan is to read my book (still working my way through The Mindful Path to Self Compassion, oh it is SO good!), make some homemade croutons, and meditate. Yep, life is pretty sweet around here.

5. My mom is thinking about visiting.

Yeah!

Last Sunday E and I planted the summer garden: cucumbers, Japanese eggplant, poblano, anaheim and sweet bell peppers, two kinds of basil, sugar snap peas, and yellow and green squashes. Here's one part of the garden:

It looks like a bunch of dirt right? WRONG! Look closely:

We are baby poblano plants!

I am a baby sugar snap pea plant!

Yippee! It begins!