Five things I am grateful for today:

Even though I have not posted in 10 days, rest assured I have been grateful. I went on a trip to Oregon to be with my family for the holidays and decided to stay off the computer for the most part. It was pretty relaxing.

Anyway here are my five things for today, they don't summarize my trip, tempting as that is. (In summary, the trip was wonderful.)

1. A nice walk with E and RR at Fort Lowell Park. This is Eric reading a plaque. He loves plaques. And history. And he even remembers what he reads. Wow. I like that about him, even if I do walk around trying to stay warm while he reads. Walk was followed by cooking dinner together which was delicious!

2. Being home in Tucson after a week at home in Oregon. I am lucky to have so much love in both of my homelands.

3. My birthday present to myself. Yippee x3. Or 4. I have wanted a mandoline for years, but after my mom chopped off part of her thumb last February, I gave up the idea. Now she is talking about getting a new one, so we both decided to go top of the line to help prevent injury. A lifetime of free blade sharpening from Shun. Thank you very much, and where? In a suburb of Portland, of course. Hello vegetables? Clear your schedules, you are all mine.

4. I have three visits tomorrow and then Friday and Saturday off! An unexpected weekend that materialized today!

5. Tonight I made peanut butter oatmeal chocolate chip cookies. They taste like all of my cookies: I sort of replaced the flour with ground flax. Hi Fiber and Omega 3's, I do love you.

Have a delicious last day of 2009. Much love.

Five things I am grateful for today:

1. This weekend has rocked so far. Last night E's band played and they were awesome as always. Got to dance up a little storm! E's friend Charles came down for the night for the show and to hang around for his birthday. We had lots of fun and stayed up til 4 laughing, eating Mexican drive-thru, and making lots of noise.

2. When we got up this morning I made this for breakfast: breakfast pizza from the Food Network and this Eggs Florentine Casserole from Pioneer Woman Cooks. Both were delicious!

3. Tonight is date night with Eric. Our last one before I go to Oregon for a week. After I finish this post we are going to scheme up what we want to do.

4. My great aunt Harriet died today, and after a few really rough years of suffering, I hope she is in a better place. I am grateful that her suffering has ended, though I will miss her. She had a way of making you feel like you were the most wonderful thing that had ever happened.

5. A 73 degree day in December. I took a nap on the futon on the front porch with Roofrauff at my feet. Life is good here. Grateful, yes I am.

Five things I am grateful for today:

1. Tonight I had dinner and played scrabble with E's mama, and two sisters in law. It was WONDERFUL.

2. I met a new patient today whom I adored right from the get go.

3. A good day's work.

4. I got to talk to my dad for a good long while.

5. Big inspiration to take my usual card style idea (with handmade paper/stamps/small sayings) and buy some simple frames at thrift shops and make some small collages to be framed. Several customers at the craft fairs have said that they wanted to frame their purchases, so I figure, why not do it ahead of time? It always makes me sad to think that the cards I make will be looked at for a few seconds and then thrown away. I also would like to stain/paint the frames. Ikea used to have some really simple would frames but now they have plastic instead of glass. Hmm, not sure how I feel about that. I will start by trying to find some good used frames. Excited about this! Of course I won't start until after I get back from Oregon.

Five things I am grateful for today:

1. Lots of fun having dinner with Sande and her friends. It's great to laugh so hard with people I hardly know, what a treat!

2. My new patient is a wonderful addition to my caseload, a totally unique and special human being.

3. For things not being as hard as they could have been.

4. A good night's sleep.

5. For Eric's good listening skills and kind heart.

Five things I am grateful for today:

1. NVC practice sessions.

2. A long walk with RR on the Rillito, and plenty of time sitting with the trees, listening to the leaves moving with the wind.

3. They are piling the work on me, yippee! And "yikes!" at the same time. If this continues I will be able to support myself in this job, no problem.

4. Some really good toast with butter and nutritional yeast. It's funny how certain things taste like the chapters of your life. Sourdough toast prepared this way tastes like October of 1996, community college and a rainy winter and a lot of yoga and everything being possible.

5. My family.

Goodness I read today

"Sincerely explore for yourself, are you here or not? Are you in your body or oblivious, or only aware of parts of it? When I say, 'Are you in your body? I mean, 'Are you completely filling your body?' I want to know whether you are in your feet, or just have feet. Do you live in them, or are they just things you use when you walk? Are you in your belly, or do you just know vaguely that you have a belly? Or is it just for food?

Are you really in your hands, or do you move them from a distance? Are you present in your cells, inhabiting and filling your body? If you aren't in your body, what significance is there in your experience in this moment? Are you preparing, so that you can be here in the future? Are you setting up conditions by saying to yourself, 'When such and such happens I'll have time, I'll be here.' If you are not here, what are you saving yourself for?" Hameed Ali

Five things I am grateful for today:

1. I am getting three new patients. Three much needed new patients. Not to sound desperate, but I really need more work to support myself. I was down to six home visits for this week until the office called and gave me the new patients. Phew!

2. I ate a truly wonderful dinner: my favorite kind of frozen pizza, a carrot, a clementine, and a piece of chocolate from my chocolate orange. YUM!

3. Wonderful morning with E and RR. We went for a lovely walk around our neighborhood in the noonday sun.

4. Almost all of my Christmas present scheming is coming together.

5. I talked on the phone with my mom for a long time three times today, maybe four. I miss her and my dad like crazy, so it was fun to chat about our little details as well as the big stuff. Also had a nice long chat with Wendy, mmm hmm. A good day for chats!

Five things I am grateful for today:

1. I am home from my trip to San Francisco. It was so wonderful. I loved EVERY minute of it. I laughed really hard and ate really well and being with Mer and Tiff really filled my heart.

2. It's great to be home. So good to be with E and RR.

3. It's cloudy out and I think it might rain today. Then it might get up to the very low 70's on Wednesday and Thursday! Yippee!!!

4. Today is date day.

5. I am excited about Christmas.

Five things I am grateful for today:

1. My compassionate communication practice group.

2. Tea with Sande tonight, lots of chatting that left me feeling inspired and hopeful about our community and goodness in the world.

3. My dog is the sweetest dog I have ever met.

4. I slept for 10.5 hours last night.

5. Dad's pain is a little more under control than it has been for the past week or so.

Five more things

1. Good workout.

2. Clementines are on sale for $2.37 a bag. And wow, are they delicious!

3. Two good home visits.

4. Nice chat with my friend Nora this afternoon.

5. It feels really good to be in such good touch with my parents. If I can't live in the same town it sure helps to talk at least once or twice a day.

Five things I am grateful for today and some art thoughts

1. I have a lot of free time.

2. Yesterday around 4pm a storm started here. Eric put one of our envirologs (recycled waxed cardboard) in the fireplace and lit it. We kept the fire going until around midnight when we went to bed. What a super night! He researched gun things at my desk while I cleaned up my craft room, worked on a Christmas present, talked to Wendy, and generally just lurked around. We had a snack dinner: fresh hummus, two kinds of crackers, two kinds of cheese, carrots, an apple and a pear.

3. We are working on our plan for where we want to live and when we might want to move from our house. It looks like we will be moving later than sooner so we have decided that for the next while that we live here we might do a few things to make it more fun. We have a dog run that is fenced in on the west side of the house, it's about 13 feet by 30 feet, with a pretty high fence around it--the only thing in there is a huge dog house. I would like to turn that dog house into a chicken coop and get a few hens. Eric is really excited about the idea and agreed to take care of them even when I leave town now and then. We also have a lot of room to grow things. We even have some space in the front that would make great beds for plants. I would like to grow a few flowers and mostly a bunch of things to eat, herbs and other things. Eric has a green thumb so together we should have a pretty sweet little garden. I would also like to have some of the garden in containers so that we can take it with us when we do move. I really like water troughs as homes for plants--you know, the ones that are around 3-4 feet long. So the scheming begins! I am so excited to learn about desert gardening and taking care of chickens. Also if it is feasible I would like to do a little bit of water harvesting to help water the garden. Mmm, a new project!

4. Our house is gloriously clean.

5. Two days til I leave for my San Francisco weekend with Meredith and Tiffy!

Art thoughts: I am done making my hot packs with flax seeds. DONE. I don't hate making them. I just don't love to. It is not a project that deeply inspires me. And if I am spending time in my studio shouldn't I be doing something I love? I would rather go deep with my creativity and not earn a cent than make things that I am not happy to make. Why do I do crafts? Several reasons: it puts me in touch with a part of myself that is otherwise not accessible. A quiet, full alive part. Some crafts put me in touch and some do not. Painting? Yes. Collage? Yes. Anything involving silliness, lightness, or reflections of my inner self.

In those last reasons I did not see anything about earning a living. I went to nursing school so that I would earn a living, and so that I would have plenty of time to pursue the things that bring me great joy. So I do not need to make a living from my art/crafts. I think it is confusing when we earn money for what we make. It is easy to get distracted from the initial passions that bring us to creative work to begin with. There are some gray areas in this, as some aspects of selling my work are really fun. I liked making the hot packs because they help bring relaxation into people's lives, and because I like the idea of people taking care of themselves. This is the same reason that I liked teaching yoga. It feels good to me to offer something positive out into this often chaotic and stressful world. But I think I would rather teach yoga to fulfill this need than make hot packs. I liked buying the fabric, I liked scenting the seeds, and I liked meeting the people who would enjoy my work, or give it as a gift to someone they love. But I do not like cutting fabric, and I do not like sewing the same thing over and over again. I do like sewing the occasional skirt, or some other small project. But I do not really sew well, my lines aren't straight and I am not really into work that involves being meticulous. So to do it over and over and then sell my work isn't as rewarding as say, making a card or painting an anatomical heart with wings standing on a tree branch.

Of course I am not saying there is anything wrong with selling my work, only that it is confusing. I love it when a stranger sees my work and "gets it", and loves it enough to buy it. That is rewarding and meaningful also. I don't want to stop selling my work, I only want to be more focused about how I spend my time in my studio, and to spend more of it accessing that quiet, fully alive part of myself.

My friend Toni had a good idea when we were discussing this the other day, he said to just make what I want to make and eventually if there is a lot of work piled up, then participate in a fair. Instead of making things for a fair, I would make things and THEN find a fair. That would certainly shift my focus back to creating for its own sake. I like this idea. I am taking a break from production in favor of spontaneous creativity.

Off to work, more on this later maybe.

Five things I am grateful for today:

Mmm, I love today.

1. I am so much less sick now. Almost not sick.

2. I caught up on sleeping and snuggling. Well, you can never totally catch up on snuggling...

3. The custom orders from the craft fair are finished.

4. A wonderful afternoon at the coffee shop with Mr. Cafiero--I left feeling so inspired.

5. Date night (yes, two in a row) with E. Out for dinner, fire is lit, puppy is eating, movie is cue-d up.

Good night.

Yes, yes, yes!

Ahh, I am catching up on reading blogs filled with recipes and other goodness! It's good to be back! Now I want to do yoga, write back to my friend Abby who sent me a gloriously long letter which arrived to day, cook some goodness, and lie on the floor with Roofrauff. Life is soooo good.

The fair and five things

Here is a picture of a very patient and generous boyfriend, who helped me finish my crafts last night, loaded my car, woke up at 6am, unloaded my crafts at the fair, sat with me ALL DAY LONG (albeit reading Guns and Ammo at times), chatted with customers, made sales while I went to the bathroom, brought me food, and kept me company--all the time with a great attitude. Wow, am I a lucky girl or what?

We had hot packs with lavender and geranium oil, eye pillows, headbands, cards, magnets, felt flower barrettes, and faux flower barrettes. Yes, I am selling magnets about love and peace out of an ammo can. You gotta problem with that? Hee hee hee. Stable metal displays are hard to come by. And Eric would want you to know that they don't even sell big ammo cans like that one anymore, it's special. It's bigger than it looks in the picture.

These pictures were taken near the end of the fair, notice how the table is looking pretty sparse! Though I would like to have come home with a full wallet and empty car, we did pretty darn well.

Five things I am grateful for today:

1. Eric, for giving so much as asking so little.

2. For my friends who came to support me. Thanks Celeste, Nora, Lisa, Ken and Mary Lou (yes, Eric's Mama came with his aunt and uncle)! Also seeing my old friends at TMC was so much fun!

3. That even though I am sick, I didn't feel awful during the 9 hours we sat there. Yeah, 9 hours, maybe we should revisit #1...

4. This year so many people seemed to REALLY appreciate not only my hot packs, which are sort of the bread and butter of my crafts, but my cards, prayer flags and magnets too. People seemed to really "get" my work. I sold a bunch of handmade papercrafted cards. Mmm, that makes me really happy.

5. It's over! That's right...now I can focus on other things. Yippee!

Five (plus one) things I am grateful for today:

1. My new patient is a very sweet old man. I am looking forward to spending time with him over the next few weeks while his wound heals. Today he took me on a tour of his home and showed me his deceased wife's quilting room and about 20 of the quilts and cross-stitch pieces that she had made. He has maintained everything as she left it which breaks my heart. You would think she was just sitting in the other room, not gone for two years. "You should have met her, she was so high-spirited--you would have loved her." Me (earlier in the visit): You seem like a really nice man. Him: "My wife liked me." I haven't told him yet that I love crafts, he just showed me all of her work on his own accord. It is such a privilege to go into his home and be a part of his life, even briefly. And it is good to see a deep love lasting since 1948.

2. Lovely quiet morning with Eric.

3. I had fun making dinner tonight for E and two of his coworkers. Quinoa pilaf with grated carrot and pistachios, super yummy chicken sausages, spaghetti squash, and caesar salad with homemade croutons.

4. This delicious cup of tea, PG Tips with sweetened condensed milk, how decadent, I know.

5. For my good friends--I am so very grateful for you.

Plus One: Last night I slept for 9.5 glorious hours.

Five things I am grateful for today:

1. Four good home visits.

2. Dinner with my sweetpea, chicken and bean burrito goodness.

3. Good workout with two (yes, I am a junkie!) Grey's Anatomy episodes.

4. Massive sewing productivity tonight as the countdown to Friday's craft fair continues.

5. RAIN! In the desert! Yippee!

Five things I am grateful for today:

1. Last night when I got home from Portland after a long day of flying, E had made the house more homey and also had a scrumptious dinner simmering in the slow cooker. He just gets sweeter all the time. We ate dinner and then lit a fire and snuggled on the couch with the pup. It's so good to be home. (Though I loved every minute of my trip and am glad I am heading back in 3 weeks!)

2. This morning we went on a date to a nearby craft fair/tiny farmer's market that happens to be every Saturday and is less than a mile from our house. The other artists seemed really friendly and welcoming. When I spoke to the woman who runs it she offered me a spot starting next week. Having a table is free, so I have nothing to lose, right? This week will be a busy craft week--Friday is the TMC fair and then Saturday will be the one at Swan and Fort Lowell.

3. Tonight Sande came over for crafts. I love spontaneous plans, yippee! So nice to catch up with her. Plus she helped me cut fabric (my most unfavorite part of sewing) and I was VERY grateful.

4. Four good home visits today.

5. New barrettes on the craft table! Too tired to take pictures tonight. I just realized that I never took pictures of that last set either. Soon, I promise!

Thanksgiving

Mmm, how wonderful that to have a day dedicated to being grateful. I am grateful for that. I am VERY grateful to be home with my family having really good quality time together. I hope that everyone of you has a wonderful day today, that is is joyful and warm and delicious. Much love, Alexandra
p.s. I will be back to posting regularly once I get home to Tucson tomorrow.
p.p.s. Today deserves a 10 item list (really, I would like to write a hundred item list but am heading to the coast in an hour!)
1. This sweet time that I have with my family.
2. That my dad had a few months with no pain. Also that he is such a brave man and is handling this excrutiating situation with such grace.
3. My dad's radiation oncologist, a truly decent human being and a wonderful doctor.
4. This day with my parents, aunt, uncle, cousins and other people I love.
5. Eric, at home making our house cleaner and more comfortable while I am away. And all of his kindness and support and silliness and, and, and...
6. For a few days with Wendy in Seattle, which were so much fun and went far too quickly.
7. All these trees and rivers and lakes and beautiful red, orange and yellow leaves.
8. One of the best meals of the year, impending.
9. I get to come back in three weeks which makes saying goodbye tomorrow a lot easier.
10. For my friends, art, riding my bike, walking RR, camping, mindfulness, yoga and all the other things that make my life as rich as it is.

THANK YOU!

Five things I am grateful for today:

1. Date night with my love.

2. Making some new flower barrettes, pictures soon.

3. Three good home visits.

4. I found a new nice green sweater tonight that is a perfect layer for my trip to the chilly Northwest--perfect with a nice scarf a layer beneath it and a jacket over it! And it only cost 9 bucks! Yippee!

5. Two days til I leave--though I already feel like I am on vacation. Only one more home visit tomorrow and then I just need to pack up. Sure will miss my boys while I am gone... but I can't wait to see my loved ones--I miss them all the time.

Already good

It's 9:03 am and today is already a good day. 1: I think I am getting a cold and this is pretty good timing--I am leaving in a few days for a trip and I think I will be pretty well in time to not infect anyone or sleep through the fun. This may sound silly but I am all excited to have an excuse to get some pho, drink a lot of tea, get a book from the library and do absolutely nothing. Bring on the healing! I am counting on being nearly well by Friday afternoon--just letting you know, Universe.

2. Last night I listened to a talk by Pema Chodron about anger and how we respond to situations of adversity. It's hard to explain but some tight places inside of me seemed to loosen up. And I was reminded in way that reached into me that I have choices. We are never locked into one choice except for when we cling to one way of looking at things. I am grateful for this freedom.

3. I stayed up late working on a secret present for my mom. It is looking LOVELY! Just looking at it now makes me happy.

Five things I am grateful for today:

1. Three great trips coming up! This Friday I leave for the Pacific Northwest (Portland and Seattle) for Thanksgiving. December 10-13 I will be in San Francisco for some long overdue time with Meredith and also my cousin Tiffany! And December 21-28 I will be back in Portland again for more time with my family.

2. Spent the morning hanging around with Eric. He is so much fun.

3. Writing really helps bring me clarity. It used to when I was younger, I used to write all the time. But lately since I started doing morning pages for The Artist's Way I feel reconnected to myself in a really sweet way. I love starting my day by writing just for myself. I read yesterday that it is best to start your day by doing something creative, not by taking in information--checking email, reading the news, etc. I agree with this idea. Mostly my day starts really well when I start it by writing. Sometimes scraw (my word for all things bad) places are unlocked which can be really uncomfortable, but even that is really worthwhile. How are we supposed to heal from our injuries if they aren't given the attention they need?

4. I had the best dinner--a monster sized salad, and cheese and crackers. YUM! Also I got to chat with Wendy on the phone for a long time tonight. It's nice to be so connected even though we are so far apart.

5. I stayed a long while with my last home visit of the day today. She wanted to know all about this dinner that Eric made last night. I also told her about my twice baked potatoes which turned out REALLY good. She made me write down the recipe for her and got very excited. She told me all the good things that she has been eating lately with such enthusiasm. And when I left she gave me the best hug.

Five things I am grateful for today:

1. A walk with Monsieur Roofrauff through the neighborhood at sunset--the crispness in the air was delicious.

2. My four home visits went smoothly today.

3. I feel really healthy after my long workout.

4. And really happy to come home to E's dinner cooking in the slow cooker. He will be home any minute now! Mmm, smells delish!

5. My friend Celeste and I made some plans to play this week. I am looking forward to that!

Five things I am grateful for today:

It's early yet so some of these will be yesterday's.

1. Wonderful day with Eric. It was the first day of our weekend and we spent the whole thing together. We had the best lunch at this cute French place, sat outside, drinking hibiscus iced tea and scheming about going on a trip.

2. Our fridge is full of goodness.

3. My water filter is now attached to the sink, at long last! Hooray!

4. I am happy to be in better touch with my faraway loved ones.

5. It's time for breakfast. I am thinking french toast with some sort of pear goodness and pecans. Oh and some bacon for the beasts. (hmm, that would be us.)

Five things I am grateful for today:

1. Elk burgers with friends. I guess it doesn't get more free range than that. Some days more than others I very much live in Arizona. Surprisingly I liked elk. A lot. And so nice to hang around with our friends.

2. Three good home visits.

3. Eric bought me a caesar salad from Trader Joe's for lunch. Caesar salad remains my favorite. When I was a kid caesar salad was my dad's craft--he was always working like a chemist to perfect his recipe.

4. Our weekend has officially started, yippee! Lots of time to relax and be happy together. I am hoping we play outside.

5. Our sink is fixed, at last!

Things

I am sad to say a lovely human being has left the physical realm of our planet behind. One of my favorite patients died today, quite unexpectedly. I usually try to keep this blog on the warm and fuzzy side, but to not acknowledge his death would be in denial of his importance. I saw him twice a week for 3.5 weeks--not a long time to know someone. But partly because I felt somewhat responsible for him and partly because he was so neat, he became important to me. He is the one a few weeks ago who said, "I enjoyed having you over, and I don't like most people". He is the one who I had the hour of diabetes dietary information "class" with on Halloween who was so receptive. Every visit he would ask if I remembered to bring the cards I make over for him to see. He would offer me everything in their refrigerator at least once per visit. And he always told me that I am a really good kid. He always said, "Honey, are you sure your boyfriend is good enough for you? You are Jewish so I feel like a father to you, so I have to ask..." So here's to my friend, may you eat all the matzoh balls and sweet things you want.

It turns out that in home health you have time to really care for your patients, and I cared for him. And he is gone now.

So I am extra thankful today.

Thankful for: the chance to take care of a kind, really funny man before he left, time to lie on the futon on the front porch in the glorious late morning, yummy Thai lunch with Eric, a job that I am really happy to do, my loved ones, my strong healthy body, my dad having more time feeling good--whole and strong--and the strength of heart to enjoy it. (Good for you Daddy.)

Good night, Worldy.

Five things I am grateful for today:

1. For Eric. He is so gentle with my heart.

2. For Wendy, for many, many things.

3. Tonight we went out to dinner to Rosa's with E's mama, brother and brother's girlfriend. I feel so lucky to be included in his family.

4. Today one of my patients showed me pictures of when he was a young man(late 80's now)--his awesome yacht of a car, his wife, him and his brother at their butcher shop in New York cutting meat and looking very Italian. I am so lucky that these people share their details and stories with me.

5. For the warm sunshine. I love November here. It is perfect. I wish it would last forever.

Five things I am grateful for today:

1. Tonight I went to the All Souls Procession with friends. Feeling very glad that I went.

2. My two home visits went well today.

3. Went on a date with E-Frey for lunch. We ate a zillion delicious tortilla chips. And he sat in the booth next to me. And that is one of my favorite things.

4. Roofrauff went hiking on Mt. Lemmon today with Eric's brother and his girlfriend. Lately E's family has been feeling more like my own family--partially due to his mama asking me over for dinner the last three nights in a row. This is a very sweet thing.

5. Mom and Dad are having an awesome vacation so far in California. So glad for them.

Five things I am grateful for today, in color:

Five things I am grateful for today and Card Drop

1 . A real live stranger bought something from my etsy site! Yes, a real live stranger! She lives in Ohio and she bought a set of my prayer flags! This is the first time that a stranger has bought something from me online. Of course I couldn't resist adding an extra little thing to her package.

2. Our house is clean. Really clean. Again. Bless her heart, I love Sonia.

3. Tonight E and I went to his mama's house for dinner. His bro and bro's girlfriend are visiting from Prescott. Family dinners make me really happy. She made soup and cheese crisps and a big fruit bowl with watermelon, pear and apple slices. I brought brownies with pecans.

4. I love the 4th week of The Artist's Way. This book is helping me make some major progress.

5. And some very lovely news? My crafty inspiration is back with a VENGEANCE. I sewed all the eye pillows for the craft fair today, and got a very good start on the hot packs. It felt so good to be creating again.

Oh, and here is a card drop that I did yesterday outside the library by my house. I had to be kinda sly and wait for the security guard to walk away. Have I mentioned that Eric calls this whole project "Compassionate Littering"?

Five things I am grateful for today:

1. Three magnets and two felt barrettes sold at Popcycle this month. Yay! I am always happy when things sell, even if it is only a card. It always makes me a little fluttery...you like MY work? Enough to buy it? Eeee!

2. I had my first moment of chaos today at work and how did I handle it? Well, nothing was exactly critical so I drove home to figure out what to do over leftovers. Yeah...I drove home. To think about it. And wash my hands. Am I dreaming? It was actually just a matter of scheduling several different things in and everything worked out fine. A new skill that I need to develop is being able to organize my day while driving around. That means remembering the order in which I am planning to do things so when the office calls and throws me a curve ball (or three in this case) I can make a new plan on the fly. I had to do that in the hospital all the time--but in the hospital there are 12 hours for everything to work itself. In home care there are only so many light hours in the day.

3. Nice chat with Wendy tonight. (Have I mentioned that I am SO excited to go to Seattle? Cuz I am. I am also super excited to go home for Thanksgiving!)

4. My parents are leaving for a vacation to Napa Valley and San Francisco in the morning. Good for them!

5. I started the fourth week of The Artist's Way today. It's about integrity, a timely subject.

Five things I am grateful for today and Card Drops

1. I have re-decided to do the TMC craft fair at Eric's prodding. I turned in my registration and now I have to make the hot packs and eye pillows. I think this is a good thing. I think I need a little bit of focus right now and want a reason to start doing crafts despite my lack of inspiration. I am hoping that being with the fabric brings back the goodness.

2. Had one home visit today, it went very well.

3. RR and I walked around the neighborhood at sunset. He peed on everything and I relaxed. It's 89 degrees and felt wonderful.

4. This morning I had a great IM chat with a good friend about loving your body through being healthy. It was inspiring and made me feel pretty happy all day.

Now it is after dinner so I have new things to be grateful for.

5. That very same friend from this morning's instant messaging and I went to Sweet Tomatoes where we gorged ourselves on salad. YUM! We also talked a lot about "important things", it was great. I am so grateful to have good friends. It makes all the difference.

So last week on Kind Over Matter I learned about card drops... whatcha do is write a kind message on a 3x5 card (which I truly to be one of life's great gifts) or a post-it and then put it somewhere. I have decided to make these cards and try to put one somewhere everyday. Today I did two. The first one was so fun that I had to do more! I think I better start carrying my camera around though because the picture quality at sunset left a little to be desired in my close-up shot. Here they are:

The first one I put in a chain link fence in a kinda rough part of town, outside of an auto parts store. It says, "I wish all your heart's wishes come true."

The second one I tucked into a hole in a tree during RR and my sunset walk. He sanctified the moment by peeing on the base of the tree. It looks more precarious in the picture than it was...don't worry, it won't blow away too easily!

Five things I am grateful for today:

I have been writing these in the mornings a lot which is weird because then I am mostly grateful for things that happened the day before. Though obviously they are still fresh in my mind.

1. Love my job.

2. Nice slow start to the day. Lying around and lunch with my EFrey. Yummy grilled cheese sandwiches and tortilla soup. Pear slices and carrots. YUM!

3. I am going to swing by Seattle for a weekend before heading down to Portland in a few weeks. Yippee! A weekend of Wendy. What could be better? I appreciate our friendship more and more. Thank you for all of your patience and everything else. I can't wait to see you!

4. Good workout tonight--again I had to stay for a second episode of Grey's Anatomy. Mmm, crack. It's funny when you are sheepish about your second 45 minutes of cardio.

5. My first patient's wound is healing, despite some bad odds. I am so happy for him.

And darn if I didn't have the best sandwich today. Really good fresh roll from the bakery at Fry's, very lightly buttered, really good ham, dill havarti, lettuce. AH! It was heavenly. So good that I ate the whole thing before even touching my chips. THAT is crazy.

Five things I am grateful for today:

1. Yesterday E played hooky and we got to spend lots of time together. He grilled burgers for us for lunch. We laid around and talked and talked and talked. It was such a sweet day. Then I made us dinner--a pasta with those slow roasted tomatoes, a light pesto cream sauce, and chicken. We also had salad, of course!

2. Also yesterday I talked to my mom twice, two long good conversations. It's so good to be in good touch with her while I am this far away. I do so wish we lived in the same place...and that that place was warm and sunny. Anyway, it was good for my spirit to catch up on all the little details and the big picture.

3. It was a warm beautiful day. Mmm hmm, I love fall!

4. Today I am cleaning my craft space up so that when I want to return to crafting it will be ready for me with no messes. (Inspiration is still on hold.)

5. I went to Trader Joe's last night to get carrots and pistachios and some other things. It was so nice because I hadn't been there in a month or so and two of the employees separately asked where I have been. We joked around like we always do. Even though this isn't a small town, sometimes it still feels like it is.

Five things I am grateful for today:

1. Halloween: Started the evening with apple slices and caramel dip. At sunset I walked RR around the neighborhood and saw a few trick or treaters and all the decorated spookiness that our hood could muster up. Then I went home and handed out candy to trick or treaters. I was starting to dress up as Eric and at the last minute he convinced me to dress up as a zombie hunter with him. He dressed me up in all black, gave me toy guns that he had bought at the military surplus yesterday, strapped a gun to my thigh, gave me a camo hat with a zombie hunter patch on it, and a pair of his boots. Oh and a bandolier (new vocab word for me...and here I just thought it was a park in New Mexico!) filled with shotgun shells. I haven't been dressed up for Halloween since my mom dressed me. It was SO fun. We went to a wedding reception, ate some taquitos, then headed home for a Ghost Hunters marathon, Eric's famous stovetop popcorn and frozen pizza. Mmm hmm. This was a GREAT Halloween.

2. Yesterday I spent an hour sitting with a patient and his wife teaching them about a healthy diabetic diet. We talked a lot about the quality of carbohydrates consumed--it was really rewarding. They were so attentive and willing to learn.

3. Five visits yesterday--on my way!

4. Start of care with a new patient today.

5. I don't have to work til 2:30 so I am rrrrelaxing!

Five things I am grateful for today:

1. I just got home from the gym. I am really grateful that I LIKE to work out. I was there, did my elliptical-ing, lifted weights, stretched, thought about going home and then thought, "hmm, I could watch 45 more minutes of Grey's Anatomy if I just sat down on this stationary bike". And so I did. My love of that show is downright embarrassing. I claim to dislike t.v. and then what? I go and fall head over heels for a stupid drama. And oh how I cannot get enough of it! Then I came home and ate 6 pieces of cheese. I think the workout made it taste even better.

2. I finally made that pear crisp this morning. We had it for breakfast with some divine chicken sausages, over medium eggs and sourdough toast. It turned out well, not crisp, but still good.

3. On Sunday I am getting two new patients! Yippee! Both on the east side where all of my clients are except for one.

4. Two days until one of the very best holidays of the year! Eee! More on the details of that later.

5. Patience. I am grateful for the patience I am attempting to cultivate as I go through a small dry spell of inspiration. I just don't want to do crafts. So yeah, grateful for patience.

Five things I am grateful for today:

1. I really dig my new job. Being a home health nurse rocks. My patients are appreciative of the visits even if my information goes in one ear and out the other. All six of them are nice people. Yes, I have six now! (well, five officially but six this week) Started my sixth patient today, in fact! And with only six patients that leaves me doing about 3-4 visits a day--that leaves lots of time for for being creative and enjoying the rest of my life. Part time, I do love you so. Soon I will hopefully have 5-6 visits a day, that is my goal to best support myself. But for now, I dig all of this free time.

2. Tonight I am making slow roasted tomatoes and a pear crisp. Yes, I am referring to the recipe I found the other day on The Pioneer Woman Cooks' blog.

3. Today when I got to my patient's house and realized that I had run out of gloves, just in time for a dressing change with MRSA positive wound, I was lucky as heck that he had a whole box of them there waiting for me. PHEW! I would have had to drive back to the office (6 miles) just for gloves.

4. My dad had his last (of two) IV treatments today for the clinical trial he is in. Now we wait for three weeks and he has a PET scan. If he has made improvements since his last scan, then they continue. I am grateful that he seems to be less sick this time--so far--than last time. Please, please, please let this be a peaceful-non-sick night for him.

5. This morning Eric and I took a long walk together (with Roofrauff, of course) on the Rillito path. It was super windy and kind of cold but otherwise wonderful.

Five things I am grateful for today:

1. The warm windy afternoon. I ate lunch outside in complete comfort.

2. The blog Kind Over Matter.

3. Our fridge is now mostly empty of leftovers which means I get to start all over and cook new things!

4. E and I ate breakfast and dinner together.

5. Tonight I begin the third week of The Artist's Way. Yippee!

A few things I am grateful for right now:

Sweet, creamy coconut thai spiced tea with sweetened condensed milk. The pear crisp recipe and pictures posted on The Pioneer Woman Cook's blog. Eric's grilled goodness. A bike ride at sunset. My warm winter jammies, I can't believe how soft they are, mmm. The chance to be alone in this perfect quiet house--Eric out having fun and RR sleeping on the couch, head on a pillow.

I have been feeling really introverted yesterday and today--maybe it's the weather--the cooling off of this town. But I am totally satisfied to stay home and be quiet. Satisfied, no, relishing it really.

It should be time to start the third week of The Artist's Way but I am a bit behind. I think I can get more out of week two if I let myself take more time. It really is a rich week as far as areas to explore. So that is what I will do now--go write and play with these exercises. Then maybe I will start week three tomorrow. Maybe.

Wishing goodness out into the world from my warm little nest.

Five things I am grateful for today:

1. Mmm, great massage from my massage therapist, Maggie.

2. E, Maggie and I had dinner together--I made a meaty red sauce with ground chicken, red peppers, fire roasted tomatoes, and lots of other good things in the crockpot, it cooked for 11 hours and was delicious. Also we had caesar salad with homemade croutons, garlic bread, and a goat cheese, marcona almond and honey appetizer. Mmm hmm. Now I am sleepy from all the eating.

3. E and I went for a bike ride this afternoon. The temperature was PERFECT. And the air smelled good.

4. I am so grateful for what a great communicator Eric is. He has such a kind heart and loves me just the way I need to be loved--with a lot of patience, and willingness to compromise. He is home tonight and we are spending most of tomorrow together too. I love that.

5. Wendy is settling in to Seattle without any problems so far. I am so glad, moving is such a pain in the rear and she is making it look like no big deal. I hope everything falls into place for her and she loves her job, makes great friends and is really happy there.

Heck Yeah

What an awesome night! Despite my initial misgivings I went to the Tucson Raw Vegan Potluck and had a really great time. I met people involved in the health part of health care, ate awesome food, saw my friend Sande, found out about NIA classes in Tucson, and, and, and it was just rad. I am feeling super happy and extra alive.

I haven't taken a NIA class in forever...at least 3 years! I am so excited to dance again! Tuesday night I will go try it out.

I brought nori rolls with avocado, grated carrot, sliced cucumber and Bragg's Liquid Aminos. YUM! They turned out delicious! Very messy to eat, but delicious.

This was my artist's date for the week. Every week in The Artist's Way you are supposed to go on a date with yourself--do something you don't usually do, get outside your comfort zone, with the hope of it inspiring you. This definitely inspired me--to eat healthy, to do yoga, to dance more, to make more of an effort to meet a few more people who are more like me here in Tucson. They exist! Who knew? Just when I thought there were only a tiny handful! I guess it's hard to meet like-minded, healthy people when I mostly have hung out at home and in hospitals. And no one seemed judgmental at all of the fact that I love cooked, meaty foods too. They were more interested in connecting with me about what we do have in common, than shunning me for what we don't. Lovely. Yes, it was.

Five things I am grateful for today:

1. Two good patient visits. Plus I get a new patient tomorrow; another daily dressing change. Yay! That will be six patients!

2. Homemade croutons on our huge caesar salad for dinner. Thanks Wendy for telling me how to make them a couple months ago. And we had sloppy joes--which were for some strange reason totally divine.

3. That lovely lady who cleaned our house a few weeks ago is coming back! November 13th, yippee!

4. This morning E and I had a mini-sort-of dance party. He called me a stork. It was lots of fun. I am smiling just thinking about it.

5. Mmm, it feels good to be this sleepy knowing I get to go to bed now. I love sleeping. Night night.

Five things I am grateful for today:

I love today.

1. Two home visits, both went well. I felt happy driving to their houses, happy to be there, and happy driving home.

2. Had lunch with Eric--quiche and salad. And wow, have I made a discovery! Annie's Naturals Woodstock salad dressing. I LOVE IT! It's a sort of tomato-y/tahini-y wonderful discovery. I am so excited about it.

3. Last night I stayed up doing crafts til around 2:30. E came home from work around 11:45 and looked at bikes online by my side. It was great. I made 12 new magnets that resemble: http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=23651917 I made them to sell at the Tucson Medical Center craft fair--I am officially registering for it again this year. This will be my third year. It's Friday, December 4th, if anyone wants to come! It's not really my genre--but it's fun seeing people I used to work with, and I have done pretty well both years. So even though my crafts don't "fit in" exactly, it's still worth my time and effort. I also worked on cutting fabric for hot packs and for eye pillows. The hot packs are the big seller at TMC, much more than my cards or other crafts. Looking around my craft studio right now, it is a complete mess--for the first time! It is in full use, cutting mats and paper cutter on the rug with scraps and scissors everywhere and my desk is covered with works in progress. I love it.

4. Tonight is supposed to be craft night at my house but no one can make it so I am heading over to Regina's to have dinner with her and her two super-cute sons and do crafts with her. Three hours til craft night! I can't wait!

5. Mom and Dad are going on vacation to Sonoma County and San Francisco in a couple of weeks. Good for them! I am so glad Dad feels good enough to go on vacation, that is RAD.

Five (plus one) things I am grateful for today:

1. Wendy and I just had a great conversation--about all sorts of things. I am so happy that our friendship is growing, just like we are. Warm fuzzies in her direction.

2. My sweet blue schwinn took me to the gym this morning for a nice little workout.

3. Wow, that quiche so ROCKS. Breakfast quiche-y goodness for me.

4. I haven't seen my friend Toni in a long while, he has been in Italy for the past month and before that we just didn't make time. Tonight we are walking (with RR) at sunset and then going to eat Chinese food. I am so excited!

5. I have two visits for work today, and I have the strangest feeling--usually when I work there is a sense of dread, or at least of distraction. But these two appointments just feel like another good part of a good day. I think this means I am doing the right thing.

6. I know I say this a lot, but I am SO enjoying The Artist's Way. I am getting so much out of doing the exercises and the writing. I really feel like I am growing creatively thanks to this.

deliciousness sans pictures

My camera battery just gave out and I can't find the charger so no pictures of the goodness happening in my kitchen right now. But here is a description and I wish you could smell it!

Quiche with spelt crust, innards: spinach, onion, mushroom, chevre, sun dried tomatoes, parmesan, eggs and milk, salt and pepper.

Chili: kidney beans, peppers, onion, corn, tomatoes, half a zucchini, chili powder, salt, pepper.

Tomorrow I am planning on making corn sticks with my new/thrifted cast iron corn stick pan. Here is a recipe in case you aren't familiar with corn sticks: http://www.epicurious.com/recipes/food/views/Cheddar-Jalapeno-Corn-Sticks-104644 Will mine have chiles and cheddar? Most definitely! I made the chili today because it is always better the second day, so why not wait til tomorrow to eat it? Good thing I have the quiche or I wouldn't be able to restrain myself.

I also made hard cooked eggs: http://www.incredibleegg.org/recipes-and-more/basic-hardcooked-eggs

I was going to make my mama's banana bread recipe but lost steam and am planting myself down to read my book now. First I might eat a slice of quiche and some salad.

Five things I am grateful for today:

1. I have four visits today for work. Three are done, and they went smoothly. I expect the fourth will too.

2. After my third visit I decided to climb into bed and zone out for awhile. Not exactly nap, just lie there and be happy. It was lovely. Roofrauff napped under the bed to keep me company.

3. It is windy and the clouds are neat today.

4. After work I am taking RR for a long walk on the Rillito path. I wish I spoke dog language so I could tell him how excited I am for some quality time together. I did the best I could with English.

5. As I was leaving my new patient's house he said, "I enjoyed your visit. And I don't enjoy most people."

As many things as I need to write until I start feeling better

Okay, right now this is officially difficult and therefore even more necessary.

1. My two new patients seem very nice, and live within 2 miles of each other. I did both of their start of cares in about 2 hours. That cut a full hour off from my first earlier this week. Sweet. One patient is a sweet old Jewish guy and the other is a tiny old lady who must be at least 98% sweetness. How can so much sweetness be in something so small? I wonder that about Roofrauff a lot too.

2. I accidentally scheduled my appointments too close together and didn't have time to make lunch. So E came to the rescue and made it for me. I got home and he had made me a sandwich with cute lil apple slices on the side and a glass of ice water. I scarfed it down while he sat with me, and he even washed my plate. What a sweetheart.

Ok, I am starting to feel better already.

3. I got a massage this evening from Maggie, my magically great massage therapist.

4. I mostly don't have to work for the next two days.

5. I talked to my mom for a few minutes today.

6. I think this job might teach me some really important things. And even though I really hate growing, I might be better for it, eventually.

7. Tonight there is nothing left to do but relax.

8. The house feels done to me. I don't look around and think, "I really need to work on THAT" anymore. There are a few little things--the front and back porches specifically--but mostly I just relax here now. Eventually I might want to do more things to make it even more homey, but for now, it feels great.

9. Ceiling garden.

10. My cousin Jenni and my friend Ana Piranha are pregnant--they both want babies more than anything in the world. I love it when my loved ones get what they want.

11. I am so happy my car doesn't need any major work.

12. Tomorrow begins my second week of The Artist's Way. I am enjoying it so far though a lot of it doesn't really apply to me. I am digging writing my morning pages every day. I am also liking my focus on becoming more creative.

13. I had a few extra minutes before my massage and was starving. I stopped by the coop for a snack and realized I didn't have my wallet. So I scrounged around my car for change and found 50 cents. For that I got about 15 tamari almonds which did the trick.

14. Two out of my four patients today seemed to really appreciate the care I gave them.

15. This studio is so beautiful--it is the perfect environment to relax and create in. How wonderful that Eric cleaned it out for me to use and helped me set up this space. I love it here. As I look around I see not only all of my rad supplies but also lots of gifts that my friends have given me and made for me over the years. That makes it feel even better.

16. Dad has no symptoms of cancer. He is living life to the fullest and as normally as he can. I am proud of him for choosing to focus on the positive and moving forward with his living.

17. I have been listening to Hipster Daddy-o and the Hand Grenades in my car. It is so fun because I get to drive around and listen to Eric sing. The shows always end too quickly for me--so this feels like a big treat. To listen to Swamp Thang over and over, ahh I love it!

18. Okay, time to put on my jammies and party like it's Saturday night--Hello Book, it's me, Alexandra. Wanna snuggle? Zzzz.

Feeling much better now. So much to be grateful for and happy about.

Some things I am grateful for today:

There are a lot of things to be grateful for today.

1. Right now, on our stove, dinner is simmering. A soup of sorts with potstickers, sweet onions, garlic, red and yellow bell peppers, summer squash, shitake mushrooms, and secret spices/sauces. It smells awesome.

2. Today I went to see what is going on with my car after it made a really weird noise. I had a really good experience with Desert Toyota's service department--they spoke to me respectfully, completed the estimate in the predetermined amount of time, told me that I really don't need much done besides the scheduled maintenance, served me drinks while I sat and waited, explained things to me in words I understand, and really seemed to care. It was strange. And wonderful.

3. In the office today I explained (in no lack of detail) the story plus how I felt about a conflict I was having with a patient who is noncompliant and complaining about my wound care. (I am doing his wound care STRAIGHT out of the doctor's orders and his wound is healing beautifully, despite all odds.) My supervisor laughed really hard and said, "did you really say that? Good for you! That is exactly how you should have handled it." Sigh of relief, my "take no crap" attitude gets to stay--as if I would know how to tone it down anyway...

4. I stopped by the house between appointments and had lunch with Eric. That has to be one of my favorite perks of this job.

5. Tomorrow I get two new patients. That means that I will be officially up and running next week.

6. It is 8pm, I am in my jammies, and am going to write in my journal and do crafts all evening.

7. See #6. Wow, that is so rad.

8. I talked to my parents and they are doing really well.

9. I secretly installed one of those "as seen on t.v." led lights so that E can read in bed without holding his flashlight. I can't wait to show him! When he gets home I am going to have him lie in bed and hold his book, then I am going to turn out the lights and turn it on. Hee hee hee! Yes, he really should have a lamp, but with the current room set up that just won't work right now. This is a great temporary solution.

10. I love my ceiling garden, every time I look up it makes me happy.

Goodness

Tonight is craft night--and this is what I made to share: spicy spinach pizzas from Trader Joes with homemade hummus, thinly sliced yellow and red peppers, sun dried tomatoes, minced parsley and green onions. They turned out delicious. I baked the pizzas til they were a bit crisp then I let them cool and put the rest of the toppings on. Served cool. Way cool. Hee hee.

Tonight Sande came over to do crafties with me. We ate the above feastling, plus crunchy roasted chickpeas, a pear, and tea and cookies for dessert. Here she is working on her vision board, it looks really neat.

For my craft I made these magnets. By the way, today I stopped by Popcycle to give them a scrap of astroturf to display my barrettes with--I happened to have 15 Day of the Dead magnets with me in the car and brought them in to show off, they took all 15 of them! Yippee! (x6)

Five things I am grateful for today:

1. My supervisor looked over my start of care paperwork for my new patient and had nothing but wonderful things to say--I mean really wonderful, supportive, appreciative things to say. She even called the director in to tell her about the high quality of my work. I am still feeling glowy.

2. Grocery shopping like a fiend today, yeow! Our house is filled with fresh goodness!

3. Spent the morning with Eric, always a good thing.

4. Roofrauff, Mead, Lucy and I walked the neighborhood loop tonight.

5. This morning I wrote for awhile, an assignment for The Artist's Way. I realized that no one in my life has stepped on my creativity--no one has discouraged me in strong enough way that I remember. However, I do remember all of the encouragement that I have had throughout my life in terms of pushing me to express my creativity. I had to write about three people who have helped support me and help me grow creatively. It took several pages to describe just how supportive my mom has been throughout my life of my creative efforts. It was nice to be with her in this way, even though she is in Oregon and I am here--I felt so close to her, so grateful for everything that she has given to me, and it is so very much. Thanks Mama.

Good night, World.

An extra five

1. E and I went on a date to go see Zombieland. It was hilarious. I love dates. I love Eric.

2. I went to my NVC practice group tonight for the first time since last spring. It was great to see the facilitator and to be reminded of all that. I hope NVC is one day my default way of communicating.

3. I saw my second home health patient today--I thought I would have a hard time knowing what to teach her, but it came naturally. That felt really satisfying, like I am exactly where I should be. We talked about nutrition, meds, and kegel's exercises. She was really receptive.

4. Tomorrow I am meeting my third patient.

5. E and I are going on a late night date to IHOP right now.

Five things I am grateful for today:

1. Yesterday was a super wonderful day. I got to spend a ton of quality time with Eric. We went to an ethnic food festival (Tucson Meet Yourself) or as we like to call it, Tucson Eat Yourself and ate all sorts of yummy things. We met up with Mead and her boyfriend Phoenix down there. Then we went to Home Depot for a new sink and also got a plant for the ceiling garden. We came home and finally hung the ceiling garden--pictures forthcoming. Mead came over to trade a hair cut for a massage last night. So we hung around, cut hair, chatted, back-rubbed and ate a yummy dinner: whole grain pasta with sauteed red and yellow peppers, sun dried tomatoes, carmelized onions, garlic, some sort of special chicken sausage that Eric had found for us, chicken broth and light havarti over the top. It turned out great, Eric, Mead and I all agreed!

2. Speaking of great I am really happy about my new haircut! It is a bob with the layer-y front I got at aveda left intact. Thanks Meadz!

3. When I went to sleep last night (too early thanks t0 some benadryl) Eric climbed in and kept me company til I could no longer keep my eyes open (about 10 minutes probably) but it felt just like being a kid and getting tucked in. Fell asleep feeling very loved and nurtured.

4. Today we get to spend the day together again (our weekend). Yippee!

5. I found a great space saving idea for the kitchen. We have this awkward space next to our oven it's about 14 inches across, by 24 inches deep, maybe deeper. But you can't easily reach the back of it. So I found this crate of Eric's that soda probably lived in originally that is about 6 inches high by 12 inches across by 24 inches deep. I decided to store my baking ingredients in there, in mason jars. It is so convenient and now those ingredients have a nice home.

A good day

I am done. I no longer work at the hospital. And I really think it is going to stick this time. I feel like the whole world is offering itself to me. I am full of inspiration and hope.

Today was such a hard day--hard and rewarding. I had a patient actively dying (with cancer) with all of his family around him. He was totally lucid and able to really take in all of the loving things they had to say to him. I was lucky enough to have another nurse on the unit who used to work hospice full time who said, "hey I will watch your other patients, you can stay in the room if you want to." Wow, how generous. So I had the opportunity to really be with the family and answer all of their questions as best I could and get them the things they needed. They had so many questions and needed so many things, that it worked well for me to sit near the door of the room and chart so I could help them. They were really afraid and didn't know what to expect/what was normal.

I mostly just felt lucky to be of service to them--until the end of the shift. Towards the end the family decided to let each person say their private goodbye--and I left for this part to go check on my other two patients. I had to come back to finish my charting and give him a med while one of his daughters was saying goodbye. She said, "thank you for teaching me to stand tall, Daddy." And he responded, "you always have, and I am so proud of you." So I headed out of the room as quickly as I could to go hide in the med room and cry and cry. I also cried saying goodbye to the patient and to his family. And all the way home. And right now. It's strange I guess to be grateful for this--but I am. Grateful to witness so much love and the intimacy of this functional family. And grateful for my own. And how often is my job truly meaningful? How often do I feel that I have truly eased another's burden in some way? Every single member of the family that was there hugged me goodbye at the end of my shift. This was a deep and rewarding experience.

I have Sunday and Monday off. (One home visit on Monday actually and it is near our house.) Tomorrow I am starting the twelve week program in the book The Artist's Way. Though this morning I started doing the "morning pages" (starting the day by writing three pages). I feel serious in my dedication to doing this program, or at least starting it and seeing if I enjoy it. I mean, if it's not inspiring then I probably won't stick with it. But right now, from reading the introduction and basic tools sections, I feel pretty optimistic. So like I said, I did my first "morning pages" writing this morning and it felt really good. All day I felt just a little more in touch with myself. I decided a few days ago as a gift to myself to celebrate my hospital time being over, I would do this program.

I feel whole and healthy and filled with hope.

Five things I am grateful for today:

1. Our house is clean. Not kinda clean, but really, really clean! Our friend hires this great woman to come clean her house and I got her number and today she came and cleaned our house. It is GLORIOUS. E and I are both so happy, we just walk around marveling.

2. This afternoon we sat on the futon on the front porch and relaxed. The temperature was perfect. First we ate pizza and salad out there, then E took a nap while I did paperwork for work. It was sweet as heck.

3. I got a package in the mail from my mama today! Four kinds of tea from her trip to Vancouver, BC. Market spice, chocolate mint rooiboos, peach apricot honeybush and decaf Irish breakfast. All four are decaf as I have this weird caffeine intolerance. Thanks Mom!

4. An hour and a half massage today.

5. E has a Hipster Daddy-o show tonight so we are just hanging around the house chilling, my favorite (his too, I think...) Then at 11 he will rock. I am trying to stay awake!

Five things I am grateful for today:

Mead and I went to dinner at Govinda's. I am grateful for my kindred spirits, spread out as you are. And I am grateful for the salad dressing that they make in the restaurant. Wow, yum!

My second home health patient lives close to my house and seems like a really neat lady.

I spray painted my thrifted metal card catalog boxes a nice brown with hammered finish today. Here are two pics. I like 'em much better now that they aren't that ugly neon green with purple drawers (that's how they were when I bought them.) Considering that lack of lighting these pictures are okay, but they don't do the true colors, or neat texture, justice. Oh well. Rest assured, they look pretty rad.

It's so much cooler out now. Summer is over and the delicious fall weather is beginning.

Right now I am going to climb into bed and read my book. Good night Moon.

Five things I am grateful for today:

1. I just got 9 hours of sleep.

2. Yesterday my six hours of work passed without stress.

3. I am grateful for the kindness of my work friends and their sadness over my leaving. It is really nice to spend time at a job, put your heart into it and leave having made a few deep connections. I will miss those people! Last night after work my friend Celeste invited me over for dinner. She made us fettucine alfredo with mushrooms and peas, we sat outside at her place in the foothills, looking at the dark mountains and laughing up a storm, as well as sharing deeper heavy things. Then we sat on her couch and talked and talked. It was a night of goodness.

4. Today at 9:30 I am going with my supervisor to open a new case, a case that will be mine!

5. Tonight is craft night.

In other news I am reading The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron. I am thinking of reading a chapter each week and doing the exercises as if I were in a formal class. It would take 12 weeks. It would be nice to have a focused project in my studio, though it is also craft fair season too...Just thinking about it today.

magnets and agenda

Here are the magnets that I have been working on. Sorry about the poor picture quality! By the time I got done making them I was too tired to care about the pictures.

I bought this agenda for work to keep my home health appointments straight. Of course, I couldn't resist decorating it! The second layer of matte medium is still drying. The tiny clothes pin is to mark my place so I don't have to flip around. I love this little project because it is totally self indulgent with some of my favorite images and the best of my affirmation stickers.

Five plus two things I am grateful for today:

1. That it's almost over. Bring on the jammies, flossing, brushing and zzz's.

2. Today one of the clerks came in on her day off because she knew today was my last full day and she brought me cookies from a local bakery. Three big cookies to celebrate. How very kind. It feels good to be recognized and cared about. Every once in a while I meet someone and they inspire me in a profound way--Catie is one of those people. The way she asks questions of those around her makes them blossom--she really cares about people's details, and watching them respond to her makes me want to be a better listener, less self-involved, and to slow down a little. She is neat, I hope we get to be friends in real life.

3. I think I am going to have a home health patient within 5 minutes of my house! (If all these patients work out, then I will have a total of 4.) It turns out that we have around 6 full time nurses working for my agency--the Tucson office has been open 20 years, and is still run by the lady who opened it. But it is a surprisingly small team.

4. Today at work I think I actually might have made a small difference. I taught my patient in depth about the importance of protecting herself from cooties because she is on high dose steroid therapy. No one had taught her about this in a way that reached her--and I watched the light bulb go off as I gave her ideas of how she could involve her 10 year old son in helping to protect Mama/the importance of VERY frequent hand washing, and not taking care of sick people, even if they are loved ones this season. It was pretty cool.

5. I talked to Mom and Dad on the phone tonight, they both sounded really good.

6. Wendy got the job in Seattle!

7. I am done setting an alarm. I am done with 12 hour shifts. DONE.

Some gratitude

Another quick post as I am leaving for work in a few minutes. Today is my last full day of working in the hospital. I split up my other shift into two halves--Wednesday and Saturday afternoon.

1. Today is the last full day I work at the hospital.

2. I have leftover sweet potato tacos for lunch.

3. Yesterday I left 20 magnets at Bohemia. I took pictures before I took them though, I will post those soon!

4. The sun is coming up and the clouds are moving fast.

5. Last night E, RR and I went for a walk at sunset. We noticed all the little things--mailboxes, pretty plants, bats, rabbits and so much more. The sunset was postcard beautiful.

6. We stayed up having fun--I was sealing my magnets with matte medium and Eric was trying to find me the perfect bag for home health. After looking at lots of catalogs he settled on one that he already has that he uses for riding his motorcycle. How sweet!

7. Did I mention that today is the last full day I work in the hospital??? Well, yes, it is.

8. It sounds like I am getting two more patients who are on the way to my first patient's house. It will make a nice route.

Okay, off to do this day. Must remember to enjoy it.

Five things I am grateful for today:

This will be quick because I need to leave for work.

1. Last night I went to Eric's show and it rocked. They were so awesome. My favorite part was watching him having so much fun doing something he feels so passionately about and seeing all these other people who get it. The crowd was super into it. It was a punk show so I guess I was the only one standing there with a big smile on my face. But everyone else seemed really happy in their angsty way.

2. I put my etsy shop back up yesterday--not completely but as much as I could without seeing what I still have at home (I was at work). While I was doing this (during a break) a couple of coworkers saw and ordered paintings, not through the site but directly. They seemed to really get my love of anatomical hearts with wings and bird feet/nests/etc.

3. I got home from work last night and E had made me a frozen pizza. All I had to do was sit down and be served. Then he wrapped up the leftovers for my work lunch today.

4. Yesterday's work pace was very slow and even.

5. Tonight E is grilling dinner for me! I love it when he has lots of days off! It's so sweet having him around plus his cooking is AMAZING! For lunch yesterday at work I had leftover chicken, corn and zucchini from the day before and it was just as delicious as when we first ate it.

Some more things I am grateful for today

Okay I am being super negative and have come here to scrape up the things I am grateful for, once again.

1. All the dust under the bed is gone.

2. I have a nightstand with a lamp on it. Also I have a path out of bed that doesn't include climbing over Eric.

3. I am going to go read my Art Journals and Creative Healing book until I fall asleep.

4. Eric grilled teriyaki chicken and zucchini plus made his delicious corn today. And there is enough leftover for me to take it to work tomorrow. Yum!

5. Roofrauff is SO cute. He is sleeping on the couch.

6. For the last long stint I have been wearing black and olive green scrubs to work because those are the only colors we are allowed to wear. Now that I am starting up in home health I got out all my cute scrubs and man, they are SO cute. I would buy them all over again!

7. Wendy had her 2nd interview with the Seattle Science Museum today. They are serious about her it seems, YAY!

8. My glorious new colored pencils arrived by mail today.

9. My mom sent E and I a Halloween package today with really cute paper napkins with witches, gummi booger candy and a light to go in our jack-o-lantern. E promptly ate almost all the boogers. HAHAHA, that is so fun to write.

10. I had my first independent home health visit today. No problems.

11. My parents are in Vancouver BC on vacation for a few days. I talked to them this morning while they were driving up there, they seemed really excited. Excitement, good for them!

12. I watered all of the plants for my ceiling garden today. They aren't hung up in here yet, but still it was fun taking care of them.

13. I think that my part of the major work on the house is coming to an end. Very soon I am going to stop the cleaning and organizing projects and start the maintaining phase. We have completed almost all of the jobs that I wanted to get done quickly. In truth Eric has very little left as well--just organizing the living room and the second craft room closet, I think. After this it will be projects to make things great, not just good enough. Projects like painting the craft room, regrouting the tile by my craft room door, and whatever else E wants to work on together. I thought it would never end, but now that we have hit this point, I see the light at the end of the tunnel. Yay for us!

14. Only one more week of working in the hospital.

15. I love my friends and family.

Alright, feeling much better.

Five things I am grateful for today:

1. I just woke up from 11 hours of sleep. I meant to do art last night but instead I got into bed at 7:45 and called it good. It felt very luxurious.

2. Only four more hospital shifts until I have completed my contract with St. Joe's.

3. E and I went grocery shopping last night and have lots of good things to eat.

4. My family is doing pretty well.

5. I am feeling that once I no longer work at the hospital I will hopefully be able to feel more like I am living the life that I intended to. It is easier to be kind when I am not stressed out. I am more artistically inspired when I am not stressed. I will have more time to walk Roofrauff, do yoga, ride my bike and do art because I will be working less hours each day. I am hoping that I can make my life simpler. I may have said this before but it feels more true all the time.

First day

Today I went for my first home health visit and am feeling really happy about all of it. I am being trained by a nurse named Sharon, she is in her 60's and has been a nurse forever. In this case that means that she knows what she's doing while still feels very inspired to help people as much as she can. She was very optimistic that I have found my home in healthcare and feels that it is her job to welcome me, train me really well, and make sure that I want to stay. Wow, how NICE! In the 12 years that she has worked there they have only had one Spanish speaking RN and she left awhile back. She said that they have to treat me like the commodity that I am--I thought that I was surely dreaming.

So for today's training we drove to a trailer park on the west side of town to open a case--a case that will be MINE! My first home health patient! Eeee! He has a wound that is not healing--his whole calf that involves applying xeroform, covering it kerlex, and then ace bandage. Apart from that it is my job to make sure that he complies with his non-weight bearing status and doesn't smoke. (smoking inhibits blood flow=prevents good healing) So I will be doing this dressing change daily (except while I finish up with St. Joe's/or want a day off). Also every patient has a full assessment and vitals taken at each visit. Tomorrow I go see him by myself!

Speaking of St. Joe's, I spoke with my manager yesterday and she said that there needs to be a 3 month period between a seasonal contract ending and a per diem contract beginning. Looks like I won't be working in the hospital at all anymore. I thought I would feel disappointed but all I feel is liberated. Time to start something new. I have high hopes for this new job and the new life that will hopefully come with it. It does not seem like a high stress position at all. It seems complicated and really challenging, but not stressful. Filled with gladness.