2. Wendy's interview at OHSU went well today!
3. My 1/2 day at work went smoothly.
4. The final meeting of the book group this afternoon took place outdoors (we were locked out of our usual space). The meeting itself was fascinating and inspiring, all on the topic of forgiving ourselves. And then there was the place we met--the yard between a yoga teacher's studio and her home. It was cloudy and very windy but not cold. We were a little bit protected from the wind by shade cloth and bamboo type fencing. It was so neat to sit outside for two and a half hours during a storm. It only sprinkled on us a few times.
5. After the meeting I came home and have been reading and snuggling with Clover for a few hours now.
6. We have a new nurse at work named Vicky, she spent last weekend at Upaya Zen Center doing a retreat with Joan Halifax on Death and Dying and contemplative practice (sort of like the professional training that I am doing with
her in May). She seems really calm, grounded and kind. I'm hoping she's as neat as she seems.
7. I was freed in an unexpected way at work today. I keep trying to convince one of my patients that he needs to be in a higher level of care than the independent living apartment he has been living in. I worry about him nonstop because he is at such a high risk of falling and it is very obvious to me that he isn't able to care for himself anymore. He can't keep his pills straight, he is forgetful and disoriented to time of day. He is a hoarder and his apartment is like a land mine of things to trip over. Worst of all he thinks that he is sharp as a tack and that I am the one who is confused. So today when I brought up the idea of assisted living once again, he responded, "I don't want or need any help." To which I said, "I admire your fierce independence and my intention in bringing this up is to preserve it as much as possible. See, if you fall and really hurt yourself you will require a lot more assistance than you do now. I see getting the help you need as a preventative measure in you becoming VERY dependent, as in bed bound and someone else wiping your tush." Here's the moment where I suddenly was freed of responsibility: "If I injure myself that's fine. That is the only way that I will accept assistance." Okay. Got it. It's his life, he gets to do what he wants. I appealed to his better judgement and he made a decision with all of the information I could provide. No more wringing my hands, but I will keep trying to keep his floor clear. Ay yay yay, these patients. I really hope that with more and more experience I can take great care of these people without it tearing my heart out. (I am 1/4 of the way through Trauma Stewardship and it is addressing very directly some of the hardest parts of being a hospice nurse, at least the hardest parts for me.
8. It's the weekend!
9. It looks like the chickens are crate trained!
10. I was more easily able to focus while meditating this morning than lots of other times.
11. I asked my boss if I could bring Clover to work with me during the two weeks that she'll be gone and I'll be acting supervisor and mostly working in the office. She responded by saying, "I don't know why you don't bring her every day." It was really nice because everyone in the office got really excited to have Clover come in for a couple of weeks.
12. A little bit of rain.
13. A couple of days ago I planted the tomato seeds that we got at the library. They have this new program called, "the seed library" where you check out seeds, grow the plant and then save seeds from the plant you grow and return those seeds to the library after that season ends. They are these nice black/purple heirloom tomatoes. I planted them in t.p. rolls.
14. I'm grateful to other nurses who covered my patients this afternoon (in case of falls, deaths, unexpected problems) so that I could go relax outside, meditate and discuss the forgiveness chapter of Radical Acceptance.
15. A care home owner who seemed pretty indifferent to me yesterday was nice to me today. Also a caregiver at an assisted living facility was really nice to me. I hadn't had a patient in this facility through hospice and she treated me with such kindness and respect. It was really refreshing and a reminder of how I want to treat people.
I'll try to remember to take some pictures of the garden/seedlings this weekend. Good night!
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